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Amsterdam Guide

Women in Amsterdam: The Facts

(Part One of the [Where to Find Free Sex in Amsterdam] series of articles)


The Netherlands as a whole has slightly more females than males but in Amsterdam, like all capital cities, the ratio of women is far higher. One in three Dutch marriages end in divorce and there is a high level of single women throughout the country, but especially in Amsterdam.


The Dutch are a good-looking race and amongst the tallest in the world. As a major trading centre, way-point, centre of empire and sanctuary for wave upon wave of refugees over the centuries, the gene pool of Amsterdam is truly varied, resulting in an even higher average level of looks than the rest of The Netherlands.


Socially, women feel far freer to pursue their own interests and sexual pursuits than women in comparable Western countries – it is not considered shameful to meet a guy in a club and have a one-night stand. Amsterdam women are particularly open about their sexuality and, according to a recent survey, 84% like to experiment.


Women in Amsterdam also generally feel safer than women in comparable Western capitals, more empowered to act independently, to go where they want and to try new things, although there is some concern at the greater risk posed to women by recent demographic changes and cultural differences of opinion with regard to rape.


Dutch women have a pragmatic approach to cheating on their partners; 27% admitted in a recent survey that they do cheat but it is considered bad form to do so with a friend or work colleague of their husband – ideally, they prefer to go and have some no-strings fun with a stranger, allowing them to get it out of their system without any possible repercussions for their home lives. This is, of course, excellent news for male travellers who will be conveniently flying out of the country in a matter of days.


Relationships between men and women are difficult no matter what country you live in or which culture you have been raised in. In the case of Holland, however, they carry the additional burden that the women are bat-shit crazy. Obviously, people can have strong opinions in either direction but it is important to note that this is actually not an opinion, it is a fact: Dutch women are loopy, off-their-heads, residents of La-la land.


The only reason they aren’t all kept in secure units, for their own safety and the good of society, is that there simply aren’t enough secure units to house half the population. In another tragic example of insufficient resources, these lunatics are left to run free, to rampage through their lives causes massive destruction to the lives of innocent Dutchmen.


Nobody knows quite why Dutch females are so mental, but scientists unanimously agree that it is probably rooted in the huge sense of entitlement and psychotic anger against men that is planted in them at an early age by the Dutch educational system (one scientist disagreed, but she was a woman).


Luckily, again, the excellent news for male travellers is that we will be happily flying out of the country long before it occurs to our lunatic one night stand that she should have the International Court of Justice in The Hague indict us for war crimes in the never-ending battle of the sexes. In fact, an expert in how to handle Dutch women recommends that, as soon as you cum, you should leap up, wipe your dick on the curtain and get the Hell out of there before she has the chance to reach under the bed for a summons.


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