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Amsterdam Guide

Chatting Up Women in Amsterdam Nightclubs

(Part Five of the [Where to Find Free Sex in Amsterdam] series of articles)

Nightclubs are different. Again, it helps an awful lot to arrive as part of a group, even if it is just a bunch of folks you met in a bar, because the door staff are generally prime assholes and quite likely to refuse entry to a lone male or group of lads. Inside Amsterdam nightclubs, the emphasis tends to be very much on the music and the volume is usually too loud to do much talking. The done thing is to dance, pretend that you are enjoying yourself and respond positively, perhaps even laughing, when people say things you can’t hear.

Amsterdam Nightclubs tend to have very strict policies with regard to drugs – do not make the common tourist mistake of presuming that the relatively light approach to cannabis in coffee shops means that the Dutch must be cool with drugs generally. Drugs are absolutely forbidden in Amsterdam nightclubs, although it is worth noting that most of the patrons, the staff and the bouncers are on them. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the nightclubs are pretty much unbearable without the merciful mental re-adjustment of hard drugs.

If a Dutch person offers to share some cocaine with you, that means you have really impressed them. If the person offering you a line is a Dutch girl, congratulations, you have hit the jackpot, you are almost certainly going to have sex with her later. Conversely, if you happen to have some hard drugs, well, just be sure that it is good stuff before offering it around – as a tourist, you have almost certainly been sold absolute garbage (be sure to read our article “Should I Buy Hard Drugs in Amsterdam’s Red Light District?”) and sharing it will only reinforce the perception that you are a patsy, which is never an attractive look.

If you do share your drugs with some girl you have been getting along splendidly with, do not be surprised if she disappears shortly after you run out. Again, as with drinks, Dutch culture is very clear that a woman owes you nothing just because you have been foolish enough to buy her drinks all evening. This cultural difference has been known to cause a great deal of distress and confusion to Scottish tourists.

As noted in an earlier article in this series, “Chatting Up Women in Amsterdam Bars”, the drunken asshole tourist look is not a winner, but the “off-his-head-on-coke” asshole tourist warrants a whole new level of avoidance. Try to moderate your consumption, remaining at least a few snorts behind your friends and, in particular, the object of your affections. A good way to judge how high your friends are is to, while engaging them in conversation, look them straight in the eye and pay attention to how focused or unfocused their gaze is – if you then notice that you have been talking to yourself in a mirror, you are too high.

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